


Siren Song

by CelticKnot



Series: Mass Effect Fictober 2019 [8]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fictober 2019, Gen, MEFFictober2019, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 04:30:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20960495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticKnot/pseuds/CelticKnot
Summary: MEFFictober prompt: "You keep me warm." After avenging Irikah's death, Thane flashes back to better times before tackling a struggle that could mean his end.





	Siren Song

**Author's Note:**

> This story ties in heavily to a couple of my longer works. It takes place toward the end of the events Drack describes in "Compromised," and the flashback is to Chapter 15 of "Penumbra."

_ I turn the coin over and over on my hands. My fingers are getting cold; I need to be careful lest I drop it and lose it in the ocean forever. _

_ But I'm not really looking at it. I'm staring out at the darkening horizon, but I'm not really looking at that, either. The details of my last mission play over and over in my mind, every failure, every humiliation inescapable. A breeze blows in off the ocean, and I shiver. Where did I go wrong? _

_ Irikah slips her arm around my waist and presses up against me, pulling me out of my ruminations. Her warmth is comforting, her presence a blessing. "What are you thinking about?" she asks. _

_ I cannot lie to her, but nor to I want to trouble her with the details. So I say only, "What I could have done differently." _

_ But she has a scientist's curiosity, and refuses to let my vague answer stand. "What do you mean?" _

_ I sigh. "An innocent person-- _ two _ innocent people," I correct myself, "died, in the confrontation with Ceris. I cannot help but wonder if one of them could have been saved." _

_ It is part of the truth. The look on Deena's face when I informed her of Cecilia's death will haunt me for the rest of my days. But it is the other, the one that could not be saved--the child in Ceris's womb--that occupies my thoughts tonight. But even this oblique mention is risky. I'm not prepared to explain if Irikah pries. I do not look at her, praying she takes the hint and drops the subject. _

_ Gods bless her, she does. "It's no use dwelling on it now," she says, her voice thickened with the threat of tears. "What's done is done, Thane. You're home now. _ Be _ home." _

_ I now my head, embarrassed and angry with myself for my selfishness. I have been away from her for months, imposed incredible hardship on her in my absence. I should be savoring every moment we have together, not disappearing into solipsistic speculation. "Of course," I say. "I'm sorry I've not been… fully present this evening." _

_ But she isn't angry. No, she has far more patience with me than I deserve. "I'm not looking for an apology. I'm worried about you." Her arm tightens around my waist, and she rests her head on my shoulder. Her gentle warmth shields me from cool evening wind. _

_ I close my eyes and simply revel in her presence. _

_ "Is it helping?" _

_ I don't understand the question. I turn to face her, frowning. "What?" _

_ "To bring you peace of mind." _

_ Ah, the coin. A sentimental bit of superstition, but dear to me because it came from her. "No, I'm afraid not." _

_ She raises her brow ridge and gives me a wry smile. "Perhaps your troubles are too much for its magic." _

_ Sweet Arashu, she is so beautiful. "Perhaps," I reply. I take her hand and kiss her fingers, but I can't tear my gaze away from those sunset-colored eyes. "Or perhaps I have all the magic I need right here beside me." _

_ Her frills flush red, and she reaches up to stroke my cheek. I close my eyes, leaning into her touch. “Come to bed, Thane,” she whispers. “Make love to me.” _

_ We go back inside. I shut the door against the cold wind. _

_ And she keeps me warm all night. _

* * *

The house was haunted by memories.

Thane stood once more on the balcony outside the bedroom he and Irikah had shared, shivering in the hot sunshine. It was done. Irikah was avenged, and Kolyat was safe.

He turned the coin over and over in his hand, watching it flash in the light. It was all he had left of her, his last anchor to everything she’d taught him to be. She had drawn him away from single-minded focus on his work. She had taught him what it meant to love, and to be loved. She had made him Whole.

But now she was gone, and he struggled to hold onto it all. A bitter, exhausted part of him didn’t see the point.

His eyes shifted focus to stare past the coin and into the waves below. The water looked warm and inviting. And he was so cold, down to his very bones. His very soul. How easy it would be to leap over the railing and plunge to his death.

At first, he recoiled from the thought. But it persisted, coiling in his mind and whispering seductively. How warm the water would be. How peaceful. How soothing. It promised to wash away pain and grief and guilt, and drown them in sweet oblivion.

Wouldn’t that be better?

Thane’s omni-tool buzzed against his arm, startling him. He fumbled the coin, nearly dropping it, but caught it at the last instant. His heart pounded. He backed away from the railing, shaking, aghast at what he’d been considering.

He shook his head sharply, trying to clear it, and checked the message. Hopefully, it was something inane he could distract himself with for a time.

But it wasn’t. The message had come from Drack, the krogan mercenary he’d hired to help him on his mission, and who’d become an unexpected friend. _ Hey, kid, _ it said, _ just wanted to just wanted to check in before I head off-world. Hope you and Kolyat are doing okay. Let me know if you need anything. _

Thane almost didn’t respond. Better if he simply disappeared. It would be less painful than a prolonged goodbye.

He approached the railing again, and looked down to watch the gentle waves roll by. The cries of sea birds and the rush of the water created a siren song, inviting, enticing.

No. Thane gritted his teeth, gripping the railing tight. He wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t.

Couldn’t he?

_ Merciful Kalahira, I beg You, do not call for me. _

He didn’t know what he meant to do. But suddenly, he realized he didn’t want to do it alone.

Thane sent Drack his location, and a short message of his own. Two words were all he could muster: _ Please hurry. _


End file.
